What a Mouth
Part of a performance by Tommy Steele.
|Jimmy Bean was a funny lookin' fellah;
If he had another face, he'd look much weller;
But his mouth quered him from winning a beauty show.
It was like a steamboat funnel,
Like a railway arch, or the Blackwall Tunnel;
If you can't see Jim, when he opens his mouth you'll know.
Now as poor Jim goes walkin about -
You can hear the kids all holler and shout -
"What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South!
"Blimey, what a mouth he's got"!
Now when he was a baby, Lord-oh-luvver!
His poor old muvver used to feed him with a shovel.
What a gap! Poor chap! He's never been known to laugh.
'Cos if he did, it's a penny to a quid that his face would fall in half!
|It's so large, Oh Lord! Oh Lumme!
He can whisper in his own ear - ain't that funny?
Now to quench his thirst, he has to take a drink from mine.
He got so drunk one foggy morn,
He lay in the road and started to yawn;
And a poor old man was delivering coal close by.
Now as he went to shoot his load,
He saw Jim's mouth out in the road -
What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South!
Blimey what a mouth he's got.
Now the poor old man was a short sighted fellah;
When he saw Jim's mouth, he took it for the cellar;
And he shot the lot, right into his mouth - no joke!
Now Jim, poor soul, 's got a tummy full of coal -
And he coughs up lumps of coke!
|Hello! Hello! Who's Your Lady Friend?
|Switch on the Microphone and Sing Along.|
| Jeremiah Jones, a lady's man was he,
Every pretty girl he loved to spoon,
Till he found a wife - and down beside the sea
Went to Margate for the honeymoon.
But when he strolled along the promenade
With his little wife, just newly wed,
He got an awful scare,
When someone strolling there
Came up to him and winked and said _
Hello, Hello, Who's yer lady friend?
Jeremiah took his wife's mamma one night:
Jeremiah now _ has settled down to life,
Chistmas Pantomime were Jones's chief delight,
|Wotcher - Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road (Albert Chevalier)|
|Last week, down our alley came a toff.
Nice old geezer, with a rotten cough.
Sees my missus - takes his topper off,
In a very gentlemanly way.
"Mam", says he, I have some news to tell;
"Your rich uncle, out in Camberwell,
"Popped of - reason which it ain't to sell;
"Left to you his little Donkey Shade".
"Wotcher", all the neighbours cried,
"Who yer goin' to meet, Bill?
"Have you bought the street, Bill"?
Laugh - Lord, I thought I should've died,
I knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road.
|Some says nasty things about the moke;
One cove thinks his leg is really broke;
That's just envy 'cos we're carriage folk,
Like the toffs as ride in Rotten Row.
Strutted up the alley 'alf a bit;
Thought our lodger's gonna have a fit,
When my missus, who's a real wit,
Says she hates the busses, 'cos they're low.
|Each night, round about the stroke of five,
Me and missus take a little drive;
Folks say "'S'wonder that they're still alive",
When they see that little donkey go.
I soon showed him that he had to do
Just whatever he was wanted to;
Still, I shan't forget that rowdy crew -
When they shouted "Whoa! Steady Neddy, Whoa"!