Lately there's nothing but trouble, grief and strife
There's not much attraction about this bloomin' life
Last night I dreamt I was bloomin' well dead
As I went to the funeral, I bloomin' well said,
Look at the flowers, bloomin' great orchids
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!
And look at the corfin, bloomin' great 'andles
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!

I was so 'appy to think that I'd popped off
I said to a bloke with a nasty, 'acking cough
Look at the black 'earse, bloomin' great 'orses
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!
Look at the bearers, all in their frock coats
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!
And look at their top 'ats, polished with Guiness
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!

Some people there were praying for me soul
I said, 'It's the first time I've been off the dole'
Look at the mourners, bloomin' well sozzled
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!
Look at the children, bloomin' excited
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!
Look at the neighbours, bloomin' delighted
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!

'Spend the insurance', I murmered, 'for alack
'You know I shan't be with you going back.'
Look at the Missus, bloomin' well laughing
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!
Look at me Sister, bloomin new 'at on
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!
And look at me Brother, bloomin' cigar on
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!

We come from clay and we all go back they say
Don't 'eave a brick it may be your Aunty May
Look at me Grandma, bloomin' great haybag
Ain't it grand, to be bloomin' well dead!