I know a fat old policeman
He's always on our street
A fat and jolly red-faced man
He really is a treat

He's too kind for a policeman
He's never known to frown
And everybody says
He is the happiest man in town!

He laughs upon point duty
He laughs upon his beat
He laughs at everybody
When he's walking in the street

He never can stop laughing
He says he's never tried
But once he did arrest a man
And laughed until he cried!

His jolly face is wrinkled
And then he shut his eyes
He opened his great big mouth
It was a wonderous size!

He said: "I must arrest you!"
He didn't know what for
And then he started laughing
Until he cracked his jaw!

So if you chance to meet him
While walking 'round the town
Shake him by his fat ol' hand
And give him half a crown

His eyes will beam and sparkle
He'll gurgle with delight
And then you'll start him laughing
With all his blessed might!