Any Old Iron
(Note: The last two verses were probably added during the First World War).

Song Sheet
Just a week or two ago, me poor old Uncle Bill,
Went and kicked the bucket and he left me in his will
The other day I popped around to see poor Auntie Jane;
She said "Your Uncle Bill has left to you his watch and chain
I put it on - right across me vest,
I thought I looked a dandy as it dangled on me chest.
Just to flash it off I started walkin' round about,
When all the kiddies follered me and they began to shout -
Chorus
Any Old Iron! any old iron! any, any, any old iron!
You look sweet - talk about a treat -
You look dapper from yer napper to yer feet.
Dressed in style, with a brand new tile,
And your father's old green ties on.
Oh! I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch chain!
Old Iron! Old Iron!
I went to the city, well I thought I'd 'ave a spree.
The Mayor of London, he was there. That's who I went to see.
He raced up at a canter in a carriage and a pair,
I shouted "Atta Boy"! and threw me hat up in the air.
Just then, the Mayor - he began to smile.
He pointed to me face and shouted "Blimey! What a dial"!
Then he came up ter me - well I thought I should've died
Then pointing to me watch and chain, he hollered to me "Say"!
Chorus: ---
Just to have a little bit of fun the other day,
Made up in my watch and chain, I went and drew my pay.
Then got out with a lot of other Colonels on the loose,
I got right up to here in fourp'ny stagger juice.
One of them said, "We want a pot of ale.
Run him to the rag shop and we'll bung him on the scale."
I heard the fellow say, "What's in this bundle that you've got?"
Then whisper to me kindly, "Do you want to lose your lot?"
Chorus: ---
Shan't forget when I got married to Silena Brown.
The way the people laughed at me, it made me feel a clown.
I began to wonder, when their dials began to crack,
If by mistake I'd got mot my Sunday trousers front to back.
I wore my chain on my derby kell.
The sun was shining onit and it made me look a swell.
The organ started playing and the bells began to ring.
My chain began to rattle, so the choir began to sing....
Chorus: ---


When Father Papered the Parlour

Listen to an MP3 version
View Music Sheets.
Our parlour needed papering and pa said it was waste
To call a paper hanger in, and so, he made some paste.
He bought some rolls of paper; got a ladder and a brush,
And with me mother's nightgown on, at it he made a rush
Chorus

When father papered the parlour, you couldn't see him for paste.
Slapping it here, slapping it there, paste and paper everywhere.
Mother was stuck to the ceiling, the kids were stuck to the floor.
I've never seen such a bloomin' family so stuck up before!
The pattern was 'blue roses' with its leaves red, white, and brown;
He'd stuck it wrong way up and now, we all walk upside down.
And when he trimm'd the edging off the paper with the shears,
The cat got underneath it, and dad cut off both its ears.

Chorus:

Me pa fell down the stairs and dropp'd his paperhanger's can
On little Henrietta sitting there with her young man,
The paste stuck them together, as we thought t'would be for life,
We had to fetch the parson in to make them man and wife.

Chorus:

We're never going to move away from that house any more
For Father's gone and stuck the chairs and table to the floor,
We can't find our piano, though it's broad and rather tall,
We think that it's behind the paper Pa stuck on the wall.

Chorus:

Now, Father's sticking in the pub, through treading in the paste,
And all the family's so upset, they've all gone pasty faced.
While Pa says, now that Ma has spread the news from north to south,
He wishes he had dropped a blob of paste in Mother's mouth.

Chorus:
I'm Henery the Eighth, I Am
Listen to Harry Champion's version of the song.
See the Music Sheets.
Now, you don't know who yer lookin' at;
Just have a look at me.
I'm a bit of a nob, I am - belong t' royalty.
I'll tell you how it came about - I married widow Birch,
And I was King of England, when I toddled out of church.
Outside, the people shouted "Hip, Hip, Hip, Hooray"!
And I said "Dahn upon yer knees! It's Coronation Day"!

Chorus:
I'm Henery the Eigth, I am - Henery the Eigth, I am, I am
I got married to the widow next door;
She's been married seven times before.
Every one was a Henery - never had a Willie or a Sam.
I'm her eighth old man named Henery - Henery the Eighth I am!

I left the "Duke of Cumberland", a pub up in the town,
Soon with one or two moochers I was holding up the "Crown".
I sat upon the bucket that the car-men think they own,
Surrounded by my subjects, I was sitting on the throne.
Out came the pot-man saying "Go home now to bed!"
Said I "Now, say another word, and off 'll go your head!"

Chorus: ----


Now at the waxworks ehibition, not so long ago,
I was sitting among the kings, I made a lovely show.
To good old Queen Elizabeth, I shouted "Wotcher Liz!"
While people poked my ribs and said, "I wonder who this is."
One said "It's Charlie Peace!", and then I got the spike.
I shouted "Show yer ignorance!" as waxy as you like.

Chorus: ----


The undertaker came around. To the wife I heard him say,
"Have you any orders, mum, we're rather slack today.
"I packed up all your other seven for the golden gates,
"Let's have a pound upon account for Enery the Eighth".
But, when he measured me with half a yard of string.
I popped up on me marrer bones and said "God Save the King"!

Chorus: ----