(Not strictly Edwardian Music Hall, but worth seeing anyway)

Now everybody's got a crazy notion of their own.
Some like to mix up with a crowd, some like to be alone.
It's no-one elses business, as far as I can see,
But every time that I go out, the people stare at me.


With me little ukelele in me hand,
Of course the people do not understand.
Some say, "Why don't you be a scout? Why don't you read a book"?
But I gets much more pleasure when I'm playing with me uke.
Of course, I take no notice you can tell.
For mother's sound advice will always stand.
She sais, "My boy, do what I say,
"And you'll never go astray,
"If you keep your ukelele in your hand - yes son,
"If you keep your ukelele in your hand".

I'm walking down the prom last night, as peaceful as can be,
When some young girl said, "What about a stroll down by the sea"?
She said her name was Jane and that she'd just come for the day.
She looked so young and harmless that I couldn't turn away.


So with me little ukelele in me hand,
I took a stroll with Jane along the sand.
We walked along for miles without a single care or frown.
But, when we reached the sand dunes she said, "Come on, let's sit down".
I felt so shy and bashful sitting there.
'Cos the things she said I didn't understand.
She said, "Your love turns me dizzy,
"So come on, mr boy - get busy"!
But I kept me ukelele in me hand - yes sir,
I kept me ukelele in me hand.

Made up me mind that I'd get wed some eighteen months ago.
I bought a book about the things you want to know.
But just about a week ago, I got an awful fright.
I had to get dressed quickly in the middle of the night.


So, with me little ukelele in me hand,
I ran along the road for doctor Brand.
It didn't take him long to get his little bag of tools.
I held his hat and coat and let him have my book of rules
Out of the bedroom door he looked and smiled.
Said, "Come inside and see your wife and child".
My heart, it jumped for joy. I could see it was a boy,
For he had a ukelele in his hand - oh baby!
He had a ukelele in his hand!