I have to pay a visit,
To have my colon checked.
When someone gets to be my age.
An ulcer they suspect.

I donít think that I have one,
But itís better to be sure.
So Iíll lay upon the table,
And let them make their tour.

The main thing that I dislike,
Is not the actual task.
Itís that I have to diet,
A steak is all I ask.

But the day before the process,
Iím not allowed to eat.
I can only sup on liquids,
Making sure my colonís neat.

Two Dulcolax at one oíclock,
And Miralax at five,
Two more Dulcolax at eight oíclock,
Itís a wonder Iím alive!

But, boy! this stuff sure cleans you out,
The toilet is my friend.
I cannot wander very far,
And definitely not bend!

My inside sure feels empty,
Iím certain youíll agree.
But when that probe goes round and round,
Thereís nothing there to see.

So when I get back home again,
And my inside starts to heal.
Iíll sit down at the table,
And eat a great big meal.